Pre-move blues

It's February. I am supposed to be leaving my job and moving home in March. While I am definitely looking forward to the end of my nomadic living and finally being settled in one county for a while, the idea of leaving Harrisburg kind of makes me want to cry.

I adore Harrisburg. I love the small-town city feel of it. I love the availability of swing dancing. I love my apartment and roomate situation. I love the fact that I work with one of my closest friends. I love having so much FREEDOM here - when Stefan and I spend a weekend in Harrisburg, it feels like a mini vacation from life. I even love my job most days, at least, I love the people I work with, and the location, and the interesting things that happen because of the crazy connections people have here.

Last night as Stefan was leaving we realized that it might have been the last weekend we ever spent together here. And it kind of hit me: my life may very well be rootless for a long, long time. I might be moving every couple of years across states or continents. I guess the flip-side of having an exciting life and living in many places in one's lifetime is always having to be saying goodbye to someone or someplace you love.

This last year I've been doing a lot of research into my personal family history - rooting through geneological websites, compiling my family tree, searching old census records, going through boxes of old photos in my grandmother's house, etc. I've managed to trace almost all of my ancestral lines at least back until they left their countries to come to America. Thinking about that - about all these people who left the ones they loved and their families' homes for generations - made me feel really humble. What a sacrifice, what a heart-rending thing, to leave behind EVERYTHING to start a new life with no assurance that you would ever be able to go back.

These days, most of us never have to make those kinds of choices. We have technology that makes the world smaller and flatter. It is a little comforting to know that I have the benefit of being able to stay in touch via skype and facebook. But the technology doesn't soften the blow completely. Saying goodbye to a place you've loved, to a stage of your life, is difficult. I guess when things are up in the air it can make you cling all the more strongly to the constants in life: God's faithfulness and goodness and love. I am so thankful for these, because without them, the only constant we can count on is change.