This year's thankful-fors

Adventures, even if they turn out to be difficult beyond your wildest imaginings. My husband. Skype. Oberursel. the U-bahn. Free education. God's grace/ love/ awesomeness/ mercy/ plan for me/ healing/ peace/ redemption/ friendship/ triumph over evil. Coffee. Instant coffee that doesn't suck. Nutella. My Utmost For His Highest. The view from my kitchen window. My church. My kindle/iPod/laptop. Books that can make me laugh so hard I snort whatever beverage I'm drinking up my nose. Snuggling. My friends who are thousands of miles away, and yet whom I still feel close to (you know who you are). Non-stop flights between Philadelphia and Frankfurt. Kissing. Each of the incredible people in my family, and that they love me unconditionally. People who pick up the phone even though it says "Private Caller." Ramen noodles. The asian restaurant on the ground floor of our apartment building (can we say, "life-saver?"). YouTube. Germans who are friendly. That when you hit rock-bottom, there's always still an emergency exit door. My lumpy, snuggly purple flannel comforter. Kittens. CuteOverload. The Autobahn and being able to drive to church legally at over 100 MPH. The Bible. Downloadable sermons from The Crossing. g-chat. Buffy the Vampire Slayer, season 7. My hair straightener. That a place like Colorado exists. That I have people to miss. Curry. Wine. Having a warm lovely place to live and plenty to eat. Musical Sing-a-longs.

Hope you had a lovely thanksgiving, reader. Just remember:

In the end, everything will be OK. And if it's not OK, it's not the end. :)

Goodbyes (& Transitioning)

My husband and I are moving to Germany this Saturday. We have been officially moved out of our first apartment and staying with our folks since June 30th, and our car and household goods are somewhere on the Atlantic Ocean right now. It's a weird feeling. Until the last couple of days, the fact that we are about to move to another country has felt surreal and like it wasn't really happening. And then the goodbyes started, and it has become very, very real.

It's funny how it's possible to be simultaneously filled with excited and joyous anticipation for the move to Germany and starting our adventure there and also at the same time so incredibly sad and almost mournful about leaving our current situation. But I guess I'm not sad about leaving the situation so much as the people.

Our families threw us a goodbye barbecue bash a week ago, which was fabulous fun and gave us an opportunity to see some family and friends that we don't see very often. We had a great time and it was lovely to see them all, but it still didn't really register that we were leaving because I knew I'd see many of them again before the big move and the rest were people that I love but don't see very often anyway.

It started on Friday, the last day that Stefan and I stayed at my parents' house before switching to staying with his parents. I was alone in the house, playing the piano that I grew up playing, knowing that this might be one of the last times I get to stay in this house (since they will likely sell it in a couple years) and how much I will miss my parents. And I started crying hard, even while I continued to play the piano. It really hit me.

Since then it hasn't taken much to set me crying.

Yesterday really got me though. Our church had a "day of healing" which was a partnered event between our healing rooms (of which I am a volunteer minister) and our House of Prayer, which does amazing intercessory worship. Over 60 people came to our church to receive prayer for healing, and many of them were miraculously touched and healed right on the spot. God's presence was so tangible in that place, and it just underscored to me why I love that church and those people so much -- especially the healing room ministers, who I've gotten to know and had the privilege to work with over the last 8 months. After the event was over and the ministers gathered to debrief, they told Stefan and I to stand in the middle of the room and they gathered around and prayed and kind of "commissioned" us -- some of them even gave us prophetic words and released words of knowledge over us. It was cool. But then some of the people I've grown to love and really care for started hugging us and praying for us and soon I was uncontrollably crying with sadness that I am leaving that place and those people that have been so important in my life. I will miss them dearly. I will miss their fellowship and encouragement.

And today was our last church service, and we said goodbye to our wonderful Pastor Scott, who is also majorly responsible for the person I've become, and I started crying again. Then I had dinner at my parents' house with my grandmother, who is turning 89 this month and who I won't be able to have in my life much longer, and (you guessed it) I cried once more.

But all this sadness and realizing how much I will miss our parents (his and mine), our families, our church, our friends -- just makes me feel so incredibly grateful that I have so many wonderful people in my life who I love and who I will miss. I am a deeply blessed person to know these people and be close to them.

I know that I will see them again -- this isn't a goodbye forever. It's the fact that we will be separated for a long time, that we will all go on growing without being able to share as much of it with each other, that's hard. Sometimes I think that goodbyes are so difficult because they foreshadow the final goodbyes that we face at death. But of course, for those of us that believe in heaven we have the hope and promise of seeing each other again, in joy.

And now I'm crying again. Oh, Lord. This week is going to be rough.

(I am truly happy and excited about going to Germany, though. But transitions are painful.)

News: I am moving to Germany.

I had my eyes dilated yesterday for the first time in my life, which was extremely uncomfortable and made me look (and feel) like Willow from the end of Season 6 of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. In case that isn't ringing any bells for you, here is a picture.

Creepy, right? Yeah.

So I spent most of the evening with my eyes closed and covered, since I was super sensitive to any light and feeling a little dizzy and headachey for several hours. The good news is that I still have 20/20 vision! But apparently I am also a bit far-sighted and have a slight astigmatism, but I don't need glasses, which is cool.

I knew that my eyes were fine, but I decided to load up on doctors visits and checkups to make sure I am totally ship-shape before Stefan (my husband) and I end our jobs in mid-June and subsequently lose our health insurance coverage for a short while.

Why are we leaving our jobs? Because Stefan has accepted a transfer with his company and is taking a job with a different division in Germany, and we are moving there in mid July, probably for a period of 4 or 5 years!


I am feeling mostly elated an excited about the prospect of this life-changing adventure:

1. I have always wanted to live in Europe again (I spent a semester in Spain in college, and thought it was wonderful), and Germany is a beautiful country full of castles! and lovely old buildings and rolling, green country and history and autobahns with no speed limit. Excellent.

2. I deeply enjoy exploring new cultures and learning new languages. So far, my foreign language learning has been confined to the romance languages, so I am looking forward to trying my hand at German, which is quite different structurally and grammatically. Plus, I quiver with excitement at the prospect of being able to read German authors and philosophers in the language they wrote in! I can’t wait to get the level of understanding (in both language and culture) to be able to be able to read the great German works.

3. If all goes as planned and I am accepted into the program to which I applied a few weeks ago, I will be able to complete my masters degree in Frankfurt, in the program I want and virtually for free (yes, FREE!). I have applied to the University of Frankfurt’s International Economics and Economic Policy program, a two year M.S. degree that will be taught in English. There is no tuition, only a 250 Euro per semester student fee, which also gets you access to Frankfurt area public transportation system. Sweetness!

4. I am excited to travel and visit other places in the world (and especially in Europe) that is more easily accessed from Germany. (Prague, Vienna, Italy, France, Ireland, etc).


But, of course, I have my sad feelings and misgivings too:

1. What if I don’t get accepted into the Masters program? What am I going to do for 4-5 years, in a foreign country and with no technical degree? I don’t want to teach, and I don’t want to just be adrift, or work in another job doing busy work that doesn’t interest me.

2. It will be hard to be away from my family. I am quite close with my parents and my sisters, and this will be the longest period of time I will ever be away from home. It will be really hard for me to miss holidays and birthdays and all the sweet family moments, and seeing my nephews and niece grow up. It’s been wonderful just being a short drive away from the closest people in my life. Friends I’m not as worried about, because we have skype and email, and most of my close friends are scattered around the country and I don’t see them often anyway. But it will be harder not to see my family.

3. I will really miss my church, and the network of awesome friends and mentors that I have just recently begun to build there. I’ve always longed for more fellowship with other believers, especially ones my own age, and in the last few months that area of my life has definitely flourished – I have a small group of ladies my own age that meets every couple of weeks to eat and pray and talk about God stuff, and that’s been awesome. Plus, I’ve met so many incredible people working in the healing rooms, and I wish I had more time to get to know them and deepen those relationships. Also, Stefan and I recently hung out with a group of young married couples and single believers who are our age, and that was incredibly fun and rewarding. I feel sad to have to leave these people when I feel like I’ve *just* found the fellowship I’ve wanted for most of my life. It’s hard to rebuild these kinds of networks, especially in a new and foreign place. And our church has really become like a home to me. What if we can’t find a similar place, which loves the Holy Spirit and flows in healing and such? That would be sad.

4. Will I fit in in Germany? Stefan loves it there and has this whole German persona that clicks with the culture and basically IS German. He speaks the language fluently and just gets the culture and the people. That is so cool! But I am worried that if I don’t fall in love with it in the same way, or don’t fit in with the culture and people as much, or learn the language really well, that it will be hard for me there, and also hard for Stefan and I to relate to one another there. I fully expect him to slip back into his German self. I just hope it’s not hard for us while I develop my own version of that.


I think that about sums it up. I am extremely happy and excited about this wonderful opportunity. And I do believe that God will use us there and it will be Good and I will fall in love with the language and fit in with Germans and have my own life there. But in the meantime I am taking lots of deep breaths and trying spend as much time with my family as possible.

Testimonies! (and some background info)

Last fall I went through two trainings at my church -- the altar team/prayer team training, which is the basic training you must go through to be in ministry at our church, and the healing room training, which allows you to be a minister in the healing rooms. Working on the altar team is pretty cool. You get to pray with people who respond to the pastor's message and would like prayer for anything. But in December I started working in the healing rooms, praying for people who came with physical injuries, illnesses and diseases. And working there and experiencing the way God loves people and wants to heal them--and DOES heal them--has been one of the most faith-building, rewarding and hands-down coolest experiences of my life.

I grew up in a church that didn't believe that miracles still happened the way they did in the early church - during Jesus' ministry and the time of the apostles (what you read about in the Gospels or in the Book of Acts, for example). The church believed that God still answered prayers in His own mysterious ways, but the big miraculous works and instantaneous healings and such -- well that was just for a short time and not for now. We left that church when I was pretty young, but still - it left a mark. I believed that nothing was impossible for God and that He could do anything. But I didn't believe He would.

I started attending my current church nearly 10 years ago. And I have seen this church slowly grow and change in its attitude and perspective, becoming increasingly open to the spirit of God and searching out what God's vision is for the church, rather than mechanically following tradition and doctrine. And during those ten years, my faith in God has increased and my concept of who God is has been transformed. I went from thinking He was a distant, all-powerful, somewhat benevolent Being for whom I had to perform in order to be loved, to knowing that He is good, He is overflowing with unconditional love for me, and that He wants nothing more than a relationship with me and every person on this earth. I have learned that He is not distant - he is ridiculously "all up in my bizness," but because He actually really cares about me. And perhaps the greatest revelation that I've received is about who I am now. Because I have been redeemed, I am now adopted into God's own family - a beloved daughter of the King - and entitled to all of the riches and power that this position of royalty affords me. And not because I deserve it! But because my sin has been covered by the sacrifice of Jesus - and now I can stand before God in purity and wholeness. Woo!!!! Life is so joyful when you know who you are.

Anyway, that was all to say that I now fully believe and can testify that God truly does heal in miraculous and instantaneous ways, because I have seen it over and over again and I have experienced it personally.

My first experience with miraculous healing was back in 2006, and it totally stunned me. I was at a summer temp job between my sophomore and junior years of college, and I was in horrible pain because I had a repetitive stress injury in my neck and shoulders from performing the same task hundreds of times per day in a very non-ergonomic environment. So I'm sitting in my cubicle, working, crying, and listening to a tape of a sermon from the previous year, in which my pastor led people who were in physical pain in a prayer to receive healing from God. He asked, "is there anyone here today that has pain in their body?" And I'm sitting in my cubicle being miserable and I think, "I do!!!" and then he prays a simple prayer, which I repeat silently right there in my cubicle. Immediately I felt a pressure and warmth spread through my spasm-y neck and shoulders, right where the pain had been worst. I think my jaw dropped in surprise. I tentatively moved my head from right to left (a motion that had made me cry out in agony moments earlier) and noticed that I felt absolutely normal and without pain. I was astounded. I had prayed the prayer more out of desperation than any true belief something would come of it. But I had immediate relief and was able to continue working without pain.

I was grateful for the mercy and graciousness of God and I started to believe that it really was God's heart to heal people who were in pain. But I was also pretty darn sure that God couldn't use me to pray for healing for other people - I thought I was so emotionally messed up and oily with my problems that I would be a hindrance rather than a help to people who wanted healing from God. Silly Laura, thinking that God can't use a sinful person to do His will! He's been using sinful people to carry out His plans since the very beginning! I didn't know the truth about my identity at this point. I knew I had been saved, but I didn't realize at the time that salvation meant adoption and power and all kind of riches -- I was still acting like a worthless little orphan child.

Last September my husband went to see a podiatrist for a minor problem with his right foot, and ended up having severe nerve damage after the podiatrist decided to give him a cortisone shot in the ball of his foot and misadministered it. As a result, my husband could not walk, drive, put any pressure on his foot, or even touch it with a bedsheet without excruciating pain. The injury also resulted in him developing complex regional pain syndrome, which meant he had crazy intense pain, discoloration, swelling and temperature swings in the affected area of his foot. The doctors said that with that kind of nerve damage, it could take months, or even a year or more, until he could walk again. Saying we were disappointed and angry is a major understatement. It was three months after our wedding, and our relationship went from newlywed husband and wife to cripple and caregiver. It kind of sucked.

Stefan went to the healing rooms three times. The first two times, he experienced some minor pain relief, but it didn't stick. I have never seen him so down and unhappy. By his own admission, he was holding a lot of unforgiveness about the incident, and he read a book that made him realize he needed to release it. He did so, and decided to go back to the healing rooms for a third time. This time he received an miraculous healing and was able to walk!!! 6 weeks after an injury that was supposed to put him on crutches for months or a year, and he walked out of the healing rooms without crutches!!!!

I don't think I have ever felt as much gratefulness or glee in my entire life. I was literally weeping with joy. Having Stefan be able to walk again meant so much to us both. God is good.

That was probably the biggest impetus that got me to take the healing room training and start ministering there - having experienced the impact that it can have for a person's life and for their family - it made me want to participate.

Each week, God shows up in awesome and powerful ways, touching people's lives, healing their bodies, and lifting burdens. People have been healed of stage 4 cancer. People have had their vision return. People have had knees be healed and function correctly. Working there and seeing that stuff just rocks.

And this weekend, I got another personal testimony to add to my List of Reasons Why God Is The Coolest.

I have struggled with vertigo and dizzy spells since the age of 16. These spells would usually hit me once or twice a year, and last anywhere from a few days to a few weeks. The dizziness would range from a minor sense of instability to the room spinning so violently I could not stand. I saw the doctor about it, which resulted in my finding out it was probably due to a physiological inner ear defect that caused the fluid/crystals in my ear to get out of whack. He didn't have any helpful suggestions other than offering to prescribe me nausea medication, which I declined. I rarely have nausea with it - it's the debilitating dizziness that is the problem. So basically I've been living with these dizzy spells for 8 years. For the last few weeks, I'd been having on the most intense dizzy spells I'd ever had. I had to pull off the road once on my way to work because I thought I was going to have a car accident, and I had to leave work early twice because I was too sick with it do much. Not good. So on Saturday I went to the healing rooms as a prayer recipient, rather than a minister. And after 45 minutes of them talking to me, praying with me, laying hands on me, and leading me through a couple prayers - I was free of the dizziness and I have had absolutely no vertigo since that moment. I can even move my head side to side quickly and go upside down - things that would have aggravated it severely only a few days ago!!! The coolest parts were: 1) one of the ministers got a word of knowledge about someone's right ear during worship that morning, and 2) when one woman laid her hands on my ears, I heard what sounded like the bones in her hand on my right ear cracking and groaning. I was like "What is going on with her hand???" but I realized later those cracking sounds were from my ear being healed and the defect being fixed! I also had some back pain relieved while I was there.

It was good stuff. I love God, and how He cares for us and provides everything we could ever need - even physical healing. I think that Crazy Miraculous is becoming the new normal for my life, and that makes me very very excited about what the future is going to bring.


where you go I go
what you say I say, God
where you pray I pray
where you pray I pray

Jesus only did
what he saw you do
he would only say
what he heard you speak

he would only move
when he felt you lead
following your heart
following your spirit

how could I expect
to walk without you
when every move that Jesus made
was in surrender

I would not begin
to live without you
for you alone are worthy
and you are always good

though the world sees and soon forgets
we will not forget who you are and what you've done for us,
what you've done for us

The Bear Stirs

When it comes to winter, it turns out I'm kind of a bear -- I hibernate. I realized it for the first time today, which is the really the first day so far in 2011 that feels like Spring. I didn't need a coat, the high will be in the mid 60's today (18 C), and there are low, thick gray clouds that look like they might start spitting a lovely, soft rain shower. And I'm surprising myself with my abundance of energy.

This winter has been abnormally harsh. For the entirety of January, we experienced snowstorm after snowstorm, with plenty of sleet and ice thrown in for good measure. The schools were closed so often it's probable that the children won't be getting out for summer vacation until July. For me, all of this had the effect of making me increasingly tired and gloomy. When it's dark and cold and snowy for weeks on end, I lose the desire to do much of anything except eat and sleep and wait for it to be over. Especially now that I have a longer commute to and from work, my days would look something like this:

Wake up at 6:30 (accompanied by much groaning)
Drive to work
Work
Drive home
Eat
Maybe read or study for the GRE
Go to bed by 9:00 or 9:30.

Some nights I've fallen asleep even earlier, overcome with drowsiness and unable to keep my eyes open (last night I fell asleep at 7:30). I'm probably averaging around 10 hours of sleep every night. And I definitely do not do anything strenuous enough during the course of my day to justify so much sleep. I haven't been exercising and rarely exert myself beyond getting some boxes of paper from our storage closet at work.

But today feels different!

I feel like my inner bear, after a mighty yawn, is alert and shaking off the shackles of winter. She wants to emerge from her cave of sleep and gloom and explore the new possibilities and smells of springtime. She wants to scamper and play and sniff out some honeycomb. She wants to savage a hiker or two, just because she can. She feels alive.

Ah, it's good to be back. I know the winter isn't totally over yet -- apparently it might have another storm or two for us before the end -- but it's really good to wake up and realize that winter hibernation is only for a season.

Thank God for change. For everything, there is a season. That's always a comforting thought.

I'm BAAAaaack.

Hello, Internets. It's been so long since we've interacted in this way, I feel almost shy.

Why has it been so long since I've blogged, you ask?

Well, I've been doing other things. Like getting married and moving and traveling and changing jobs twice and dabbling in the miraculous. Not that I couldn't have filled you in on all those happenings, but for some reason I kind of lost my taste for blogging during this past season of my life.

But I'm back. Or, I plan to be back, at regular intervals, from now until forever. Or until the Internets stop existing.

I even hopped on the Twitter bandwagon (see sidebar column to the right ----> ) to prove my devotion to forms of online social media.

I can't really sum up the last 11 months or so in one post, so instead I'm going to look forward:

Tonight I am going dancing.
Tomorrow I am going to the city with my husband for a mini fling.
And hopefully, in the very near future, something infinitely more exciting will happen to us...but that remains to be seen.

It's good to be back. But it doesn't feel familiar here yet.

Home Free

As of Friday, I am unemployed. And as of yesterday, my official address is my parents' house, at least for the next couple months.

Craaaaazy.

I was not nearly prepared for how emotional Friday was for me. Although my relationship with this job fell into the love/hate category at times, I really did come to love the people I worked with and the unique opportunities the position afforded me. And saying goodbye to everyone was kinda rough. It was almost like college graduation - there were definitely some tearful goodbyes - which was extremely surprising to me considering that leaving most of my previous jobs felt a lot like saying "good riddance."

Everyone was ridiculously kind, though (which didn't help me with the whole not crying thing), and it did help that I was leaving on good terms.

But it is definitely weird to be home, to be here on a Sunday night, and know that I can see Stefan this week and don't have to wake up at 5:00 AM to drive back to Harrisburg tomorrow. In fact, I don't *have* to do anything tomorrow! Although I probably should start unpacking the huge pile of stuff from my apartment, or start going through the lifelong collection of junk in my room, or send out my wedding invitations (considering I only have 69 days til the big day), or do my taxes, or look for an apartment for Stefan and I to live in after we get married, or get a gym membership, or look for a new job, or...

Well, you get the idea.

I'm unemployed, but the next few months will definitely not be lazy ones. And as hard as it was to say goodbye to the first big job of my life and to a great city full of people that I love, I am definitely glad to be starting this next chapter of my life. Life is only just beginning, and most of the future is completely unknown. Things couldn't get any more delicious.